What does being a Hmong woman of today mean?

Growing up, I wrestled with my Hmong identity because I felt that the roles and expectations my family imposed on me were too inflexible and extremely biased in favor of boys and men. In my naivete, I often associated these tendencies with being Hmong, especially because it contrasted so deeply with the American ideals of individuality and equality. I didn’t necessarily resent being Hmong, but I definitely felt that the attempt to be the idealistic Hmong daughter held me back from experiences that were crucial to my development and growth. Fortunately for me, my family values education and fully supported my decision to move away and attend the university of my choice.

Higher Education

My college years exposed me to Women’s Studies, Ethnic Studies, and Social Justice Theory, making me realize that patriarchy and its influence on social construction expand beyond my Hmong culture, and women in American mainstream battle different forms of gender roles and sexism/misogyny (among other types of oppression).

Education opened my eyes to understanding my experiences of oppression, and provided me multiple pathways to combat it, I truly believed that in order for my Hmong sisters to rise above what our culture expects of us, we must encourage and support one another in the pursuit of higher education.

This became a focal point when I got the opportunity to mentor adolescent Hmong girls after college. As I got to know more girls and their families, it was apparent that not everyone is privileged enough to attend a college that fostered critical thinking in social justice.

Every Hmong girl needs

• To understanding and balancing the world of being Hmong in the home and within the Hmong community with the world of being American outside of the home amongst various communities
• Social and emotional support for this tiresome balancing act
• A safe space to express their frustrations
• Opportunities to practice the communication skills necessary in navigating between and within both Hmong and American societies

Virtually, Hmong youths need to understand that the success in doing this well (bouncing back and forth between two seemingly different and uncompromising facets of their identity) will be a viable tool in attaining success in all other aspects of life. Like any skill, this takes practice (A LOT of practice and definitely some failures), but the rewards give us the capacity to weave between different people, different places, and different ideas in a way that is not taught in school.

“Instead of viewing biculturalism as a setback, the mastery of balancing it is actually a skill, useful in a complex and diverse American society.”

Motherhood

Now as a Hmong mother of two young boys, whenever I come across people who bash on Hmong men based on the choices and conduct of some, I have to think about the environment my sons will grow up in, and the potential of coming across girls and women who may project their own bad experiences with individual Hmong men onto all Hmong men. I understand I cannot control who my sons meet and what they may go through, but as a mother, I can control how I want my sons to view Hmong women by how I conduct myself and the standards I hold for myself. I hope that the love and respect I show myself will teach my sons to love and respect themselves, thus encourage them to look for partners who do the same.

“As a Hmong woman, I have the responsibility to show my children the history, capabilities, and beauty of all women, and how much women deserve to be loved, appreciated, protected, and respected as human beings.”

It is my personal mission to dispel the media’s inaccurate portrayal of girls and women as sexual objects to be conquered and attained; guide them to understand that male privilege is a responsibility to take care of humanity and eliminate gender hierarchy, not perpetuate oppression; and teach them that taking care of the home, loving our spouses, and nurturing our children is a duty that we ALL must do. Being a Hmong woman takes on a whole new meaning as a mother, and I welcome the work coming my way.

Hmong Woman of Today

The meaning of being a Hmong woman is so complex, and it changes and evolves as that Hmong woman changes and evolves. That being said, I am sure that each Hmong woman is at a certain stage in her life that looks different from her past, and will look different in her future. So when you gather a group of Hmong women (of varying ages and backgrounds) together, you have this collective of beautiful experiences and perspectives that are constantly changing and reinventing as they grow individually.

I can only speak on my behalf, and I can say that for me, the meaning of being a Hmong woman is more like a continuing journey than it is a destination. What it means to be a Hmong woman today is bigger and more complex than it was yesterday as a Hmong daughter; as a Hmong student in the American education system; as a Hmong mentor for Hmong youth; as a young Hmong professional.

I believe that I am fortunate to be a Hmong woman during this time in history, living in this country. Although American life as a female minority definitely has its difficulties, it appears to me that Hmong women have never been exposed to so many choices before now.

“For the first time, women can create a life for themselves outside of what is traditionally approved by the Hmong community.”

In our mothers’ time, they put their parents’ needs and wishes before their own; then they replaced that with their husbands’, and finally their children take that place in the end. It is a noble feat to dedicate a life of investment in loved ones, because so many people bloom from that selfless act. So when we are offered the chance to invest in ourselves, I believe this should be not be wasted because many people before us never had that opportunity.

The most amazing gift that is currently available to Hmong women today is that we now have the choice to put our energy and attention in ourselves.

• A woman can decide to remain unmarried and childless if that is her will.
• She can pursue her dreams and aspirations until she officially retires. -She can have a family, an education, and a career if she wants.
• But most of all, she can focus on her spiritual, emotional, physical, and mental well-being and learn self-care and self-love-the true pillars of inner peace and lasting happiness.

I truly believe that have I been born a Hmong woman in a time period before now or in some other place; this choice may not be as easy to make.

To walk that path depends on the individual because it requires true courage to do something new and different, often at the disapproval of others. There will be times when people will insinuate that selfishness is a negative thing. There will be people who believe that we are turning our backs on our people, history, and culture. But there will be those who understand exactly how important and valuable this decision is.

“I am hopeful that more Hmong women will make the choice to turn inward and give to herself, because we owe it to the sacrifices of our mothers and grandmothers, to the hopes of our sisters and daughters, but especially, we owe it to ourselves.”

Question: What about you? What does being a Hmong woman of today mean to you? Please share your comment below.